


Fairy Godfather

by RaceUlfson



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Get Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-10
Updated: 2012-03-11
Packaged: 2017-11-01 18:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/359947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaceUlfson/pseuds/RaceUlfson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zell has unwanted help with his crush on Squall - from Seifer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Make a Wish

“Life sucks, don’t it?” a voice I never expected to hear again said next to my ear.

“Hyne on the pyre!” I must have jumped a good 2 feet straight up, and would have gone farther if I hadn’t been tangled in bed sheets. I came down swinging, but the son of a bitch dodged. “What the fuck are you doing in my quarters?” I scrunched back against the headboard, glaring at the intruder.

Seifer sighed and settled himself comfortably in my desk chair. “Nice to see you, too, Chickenwuss.”

“Don't call me that. You,” I said, slightly amazed that for once I was in the right and it was Seifer Almasy who was breaking the rules, “are not supposed to be here.”

He leaned back and put his feet up on the end of my bed. “Sez who?” He inquired mildly.

My heartbeat was slowing and my brain was speeding up and in the middle I was starting to figure out What Was Wrong With This Picture. Other than Seifer in my bedroom at – I checked the clock – 3 damn AM. “Aren’t you slightly… dead?”

Seifer grimaced. “Not exactly.”

“How can you be ‘not exactly’ dead?” I reached over casually for the edge of my sheet and blankets.

“Ever hear of a Phoenix down? How many times did you die in the war?”

“Obviously, one less time than you.” I tugged the covers up to my nose, trying not to shiver at how easily they slid from under Seifer’s crossed ankles. I was noticing I could see the clothes I’d dumped in my desk chair through his body, too.

“I’m not dead, ok?” he snapped.

"Yeah, sure, it's only a flesh wound. Seifer, I was there!"

He sighed. “I’m just not exactly here. At the moment.”

“But why are you ‘not exactly here’ in my bedroom?”

Seifer smirked. “Because your life sucks.”

At the moment, my life was sucking so hard I was starting to list to the side, but I really didn’t see how being haunted by Seifer fucking Almasy was going to help. I developed a better plan. “I’m going back to sleep now,” I told him. “When I wake up, you’ll be gone, and my life will have improved already.” I wiggled down so I was in the bed properly and snuggled in,keeping the covers carefully over my head. “Too much chocolate coated popcorn before bedtime, that’s all.”

“Hyne on a high wire, any of that crap is too much. No wonder you can’t sleep.”

“I’ll tell Selphie about it in the morning, and that’s what she’ll say.”

“Not Squall?”

I laughed into my pillow. “Oh, no, not Squall. He only talks to you if there’s a war going on. The rest of the time, you’re invisible.”

“I am invisible,” Seifer groused. “You are the only one who can see me.”

I moaned and burrowed in so my head was under the pillow. “Why me?” I asked into the mattress.

“I’m here to grant your fondest wishes.”

I kept my eyes scrunched closed, trying to force sleep. “I suppose wishing you’d go away would be a cheap shot?”

“You don’t really want that,” Seifer said, much too close by. I opened one eye and stared into his. He was in the bed with me! Right under the obviously defective covers which were supposed to protect me from nighttime supernatural visitations.

I did not scream like a girl, but I did somehow make all of my molecules leap backwards away from him. Naturally, I ran out of bed and ended up on the floor on my ass, my feet still trapped by the bedclothes. Damn those military corners, anyway.

Seifer took that opportunity to take over my bunk, spread out, and get comfy. “You need to lay off the caffeine, Chicken.”

“Don’t call me that.” I snapped, freeing myself and sitting up, leaning on my knees. “Okay, fine, three wishes, right? Good thing I already have those made up. A custom painted Elvoret-9 T-board, a stack of gil up to my chin, and a baby brother.”

“Kind of an old list, isn’t it?” Seifer smirked. “I’m not a genie, you don’t get three wishes.”

Just as well, I guess, because I never have time to T-board anymore and Ma is pushing 50 and probably wouldn’t appreciate a new baby. And I didn’t need the gil, I had everything I wanted. Pretty much. More or less. Kinda.

I sighed. “Ok, you aren’t a genie, what are you, then?”

He mumbled something. I frowned. “Say that again?”

“I said,” Seifer growled, “I’m your fairy godfather.”

That was wrong, so wrong, and on so many levels. "I always knew you were a fairy. Look, Seifer, I went to the SeeD ball, ok?”

He was back to smirking again, dammit. “But did you dance with the handsome Prince?”

.  
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Selphie plunked her tray next to mine and slid into the seat next to me. As usual, she’d started our conversation when she first spotted me from across the room, so by the time she actually sat down and asked, “I think it will look great, don’t you?” all I could do was give her the ‘thinking it over face’. I’d learned not to just agree, because if I did, I found myself drafted into all sorts of things.

Not that my response made any difference to Selphie. Most of her conversations didn’t really require any audience participation; it just slowed her down. She’d tell me what we talked about later, in a bright yellow tulip shaped sticky note – written in green glitter ink.

“I thought you’d say that,” she confided, nibbling the croutons off her salad. Her eyes took on a dreamy look most of us had learned to dread. Thank Hyne she was distracted by Squall entering the cafeteria, cool and elegant as chilled wine in a silver goblet. Selphie jumped up and waved wildly, like he could miss seeing us at the reserved SeeD table. “Squally!” He and I both winced at the same time, but Squall was polite enough to hide it and nod to her before getting in line. Everyone made way for him, but he sort of glided by like he didn’t notice. “What brings him down from On High?”

“Lasagna,” I said, taking a forkful of mine. “He loves it.”

“He does? I never paid attention.” She looked at her own plate as if expecting some sort of magic trick. Silly girl, she knew it was the Tuna Surprise that did that. Most smart people are only tricked into eating it once, though. “I guess it’s about the only edible thing on the menu at that.”

Seifer timed his appearance for when I had a mouthful, on purpose; I’m sure, materializing in the chair across from me. I choked and he smirked. “Still dealing with that eating problem, Chicken?”

I glared and tried to breathe while Selphie pounded on my back, helpfully beating me half to death. Fending her off, I looked up to see Squall heading our way, his tray loaded. He looked mildly concerned, or maybe surprised. Or, hells, thrilled. With Squall it’s hard to say. Squall beelined for the chair where Seifer was lounging, idly passing his fingers back and forth through my plate. I think he was trying to snitch my garlic bread.

The idea of Squall sitting in Seifer was just too horrible. I escaped Selphie and ran over to grab Squall’s tray away from him. “Not that chair. Uh… there’s something gross in it.” 

Seifer flipped me off, but I have years of practice ignoring him. Not that it ever did much good. I set Squall’s tray at the only other available seat, right next to me. Selphie gave me the hairy eyeball, but Squall, looking faintly befuddled, just sat and dug into his lunch. I didn’t realize I was watching him eat until Seifer kicked my chair, hard. That sloshed my juice – just as I was reaching for it, too, so it went all over my sleeve – and I got another weird look from Selphie.

She smiled, all sweetness and sunshine, and chirped, “So… any news on those chocobo rustlers?”

“You mean, news about your cowboy,” I teased.

“Irvine said he’d be back by Tuesday.” Typical of Squall to forget to mention that until asked. He had a lot on his mind and little details like telling a girl her fiancé had checked in and was coming home just slipped his consciousness.

Selphie nattered, Squall ate, and I sort of watched his lips and throat and …um.

“Hyne, you got it bad.” Seifer sighed. Anything else he was going to add was eclipsed by Xu marching over and planting herself in his middle before any of us could say anything to stop her. Squall opened his mouth, I guess to warn Xu off about the gross thing, but she was too quick and he ended up just looking at me, a bit wide eyed. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was trying not to laugh. Personally, Xu’s head sticking out of Seifer’s chest wasn’t doing much for my appetite, and I wasn’t at all sorry when my so called fairy godfather huffed and melted away.  
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“You need to get his attention.”

Seifer had taken to following me around after work. He tried doing it during work but I think the kids could see him a little. They got all excited the first time and he never came back to class after that.

I toweled my hair and sighed. “Seifer, this is me, Deafening Dincht. You know I can attract attention in a crowd. He’s… oblivious. Blind. Thick.” I sat on the bed. “Deliberately obtuse. I think he hates me.”

“You just have to get under his skin.”

“Sure, that worked great for you. You guys argued all the time.”

"But I had his attention."

"Because he was trying to kill you!"

Smugly, Seifer pointed out, “But I had his attention.”

“Seifer, the last time you got Squall's attention, he stabbed you in the head! I like my head as is, thanks.”

“It was more of a lucky slice than a stab.” Smugness had turned to sulk as Seifer ran his fingers over his scar.

“I’m talking about when he killed you, Dumbass.” I worked the mousse through my bangs and coaxed them into standing up. It's all about style, Baby. And being a leeetle bit taller.

“I’m not dead.” Oh, yes, seriously sulking now. “I’m just not here. Exactly.”

I rolled my eyes. “So your advice is ‘pick a fight’?”

Seifer flopped back on my bed. “Always worked for me.”

I paused mid reach for my pants and picked my work out clothes instead. "I can't believe I am listening to you."

"Awesome, ain't I?" Seifer made himself comfortable. "It's because I'm always right."

I grabbed my gloves and ran before the bullshit got any deeper.  
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I took advantage of my, um, natural ability to hide behind excessively tall shrubbery and ambushed Squall just as he got inside the training center. "Hey Baby! Want some company?"

Squall looked at me, then beyond me to the jungle of the 'center, then back at me, taking just long enough for me to feel like a dork. Totally deflated, I opened my mouth to say one of those 'it's ok' lies when he shrugged.

"I am after the high level T-rexors. They are too much for the cadets and they're eating all the grats." He pulled Lionheart and led the way in.

I felt sort of bad for Squall; even his down time was totally devoted to running B-Garden. "Oops. I'm used to leaving them for Seifer." He loved to fight the beasts and got pissy if he couldn't find one, so most of us had gotten in the habit of going for other critters.

Squall flinched and I face palmed. Nice going, Bonehead, remind him he killed his buddy. Was buddy the right term? They weren't exactly friends, but Seifer had always been around, sort of like a bad rash. 'Nemesis' was about as close as I could get, and even that wasn't quite what I wanted. I followed Squall deeper into the T-Rexor territory, still rifling my mental thesaurus, and almost walked right up Squall’s ass when he froze in place, eying our prey.

He didn't cast, wanting the workout, I guess, and I was willing to play it that way. I got first hit, distracting the thing, and when it swung its huge head down, trying to find me in the tall grass, Squall was all over the other side. I don't want to brag, but we weren't Cadets by a long shot and even a 99 level T-Rex wasn't really enough to get us breathing hard. In fact, the only tricky moment came when Squall killed the beast a mite faster than I'd anticipated and I had to skitter out of the way or get flattened.

The T-Rexor was too big for the smaller critters to eat in a timely fashion, so Squall activated the disintegration spell that would send its proteins back to the matrix. I watched it dissolve and grinned at him. "Remind me to skip the hot dogs the next few days, Baby."

He actually made a huffing sound that could have been a laugh. "That explains so much." Squall turned slowly, tracking the crash in the underbrush we both heard.

This time there were two of them and although T-Rexors don't actually fight cooperatively, they will take advantage if you are distracted. My usual method is to fight up close and dirty and suck whatever damage comes my way - falling back to heal will just get you et. I took a good scrape along my left side and rolled with it, but I guess Squall thought it was worse than it was, because he stopped playing and threw Shiva. No one can pull a GF as fast as Squall and both the giant lizards were three-quarters dead and torpid from Diamond Dust before I even got back to my feet. I finished them off while Squall got reoriented in the real world.

"That was over quick. Remember a sudden appointment?" I asked, a little miffed that Squall had ended the fight so fast.

He colored slightly. "Sorry. Are you all right?"

I checked my side and frowned. "My shirt is hist, dangit." Well, there was a long ugly scratch on me, too, that was going to pull like a bitch when I flexed. A Curaga hit, talk about overkill, but I guess Squall was more used to dealing with more serious blows and didn't have anything else primed. I shook off the tingles and shucked my ruined tee.

We took down another two of the big guys, and it was starting to feel more like work than working out, and was about as fun and dangerous as pulling weeds in Ma's garden. I cast the disintegration spell this time, and looked around for more. What I saw was Seifer leaning against a tree, giving us a golf clap. "Fight with him, Dumbass."

Well, what did he think we were doing? It wasn't like Squall and I were on opposite sides...

"Hey, Baby," I said, stopping Squall's own scan of the area. "We're the most dangerous things in here."

"If you don't take into consideration some of the smells, yes."

"I don't know about you, but I came looking for a workout. So..." I held up my fists.

Squall blinked and gestured with Lionheart. "I can't fight an unarmed man."

That had to be some idiot infection leftover from Seifer's knight fixation. I rolled my eyes and kicked the gunblade out of Squall’s hand, mainly because he was distracted. Lionheart spun away, and Squall couldn't stop himself from tracking where his weapon went, so it was easy to put him flat on his back and sit on his ribs. "Dude, you are too easy. You need to brush up on your hand to hand."

Flushed, either with anger or embarrassment or because I was sitting on his diaphragm and he couldn't breathe, Squall was a beautiful man. And an insulted one. His eyes glittered like Shiva's ice. "I do ok."

Meaning, he won the war and all that. Sure, but I wondered, leaning forward to rest my folded arms on his upper chest, "What do you do if you are unarmed?"

Squall considered a moment. "Probably cast." Then the bastard hit me with an Aero that blew me off him and onto my ass in the tall grass.

 

We both rolled to our feet but Shiva was already chilling the air. I dodged her attack, slipping a little in the frosty weeds, and by the time my footing was secure Squall had Lionheart again and was charging. There's not a lot scarier than looking up and seeing that blade and that man bearing down on you; Hyne knows it was the last thing a hellova lot of monsters ever saw.

All I had to do was get close enough that Squall couldn't swing that deadly blade. The problem was, Squall knew that too. I'd said I'd wanted a work out and he gave me one, parrying my kicks as easily as I slapped aside his blade. The gunblade gave him reach and he had another advantage, stamina. I am fast, but I can't keep it up indefinitely. Squall could, oh, yes, he could fight all day and well into the night. I'd seen him do it with Seifer.

Squall could tell I was tiring, and upped the ante. He was using Lionheart two handed now, not because he had to, but because I'd slowed to the point where he could. He blocked a kick with enough force to knock me off balance, so I chose to roll with it and go down on my back. I knew Squall'd back off to give me time to get to my feet - that chivalry thing again- so I grabbed a handful of dead grass as a sort of steadying point and did instant stand. As soon as I was upright Squall slashed back, trying to disable my right arm.

I moved just a little, keeping my center, blocking, and Lionheart sliced the grass I still had clamped in my fist. Blades fell in a flutter and I guess Squall saw the movement out of the corner of his eye and thought they were my fingers or something because he actually gasped and stopped fighting.

If I'd known he was going to do that, I might not have hit him so hard.


	2. Granted

It was a stellar hit, if I do say so myself. Squall flew back several feet and landed on his back, laid out like an abandoned action figure.

“Oh, shit, Baby, are you okay?” I ran over, fishing through my spells for a Curaga. Since I’m point man, I don’t usually carry any healing, except one or two for dire emergencies, and with this being peacetime and all, I’d gotten a bit slack about loading up. I knew Squall was packing, though, so worst case I could pull a spell off him. Assuming I hadn’t killed him, of course. And wasn’t that just a spiffy ending for what was essentially our first date? Shut up, we were out together, it counted. Not like there would ever be a second one at this rate.

I knelt down beside Squall and checked his pulse. He was still alive, always a good thing. I ran my hands over him quickly, checking for broken bones. I didn’t find any, but I checked two more times, just in case. He was so touchable, lying there, and I knew I wouldn’t get another chance. Had to store up a little fodder for future fantasies.

I’d pretty much figured out I had no curative spells on me. Dincht the Doof, failing again. I called up Quez and drew a couple cures off Squall. Then, since he was going to kill me anyway when he woke up, I surrendered to temptation and kissed him. He tasted like I thought he would – steel and coffee and a hint of raspberries. I would have tried again to confirm that, but Squall’s eyes snapped open and he gave me a panicky look.

Caught red, um, lipped, I cast the stolen Cure. He’d kill me faster if he wasn’t wounded, and I’m not into pain and suffering. Squall shivered as the sparkles flickered over him, then sat up. “Are you all right?”

“Isn’t that my line, Baby?”

“No, your hand-” Squall reached out quick as a cat and grabbed my hand, turning it over and examining it. I helpfully wiggled my fingers and he colored slightly. “I thought…”

What? I looked at my hand, still in his. We both seemed to realize that at the same time and he let go and shrank back like I was made of maggots. “Still have all the original manufactured parts, Baby.”

He rubbed the scar on his face. “I think I need glasses.” Squall got to his feet. “I’m done here, let’s hit the showers.”

Oh, yes, Hyne pleasepleaseplease. Wait, what was I thinking? Shower with Squall? Naked? With slippery soap and oh hells no. I’d narrowly escaped death once today already, twice was seriously pushing it. “Uh, yeah, ok, cool, thanks for the workout um I’llgousetheoneinmyquartescatchyoulaterBabybye.” I sprinted for the security and safety of my own little en suite, where Zell Junior and I could review that kiss in private, leaving Squall staring after me.  
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I flopped on my bed and covered my face with the pillow. Seifer said, from the general direction of my desk chair, “That was entertaining.”

He better fucking have not been watching me in the shower. I’d exorcize his ass. I sat up and glared. He smirked. Asshole.

Seifer leaned back and templed his fingers. “Let us debrief.”

“Seifer, I’ve had a mountainously shitty day, ok? Go haunt someone else. Xu. She could use a few nightmares.”

“Xu is a nightmare. I don’t know what was so crappy about your day, you made progress. You got to kiss him, right?”

“I know it’s a limitation for you, being dead and all, but I sort of like my lovers alive and conscious.” I fell back and hid under the pillow again.

“What makes you think he wasn’t?”

I sat up again. “I hit him! Knocked back and sprawled and out cold. I’m not an amateur.”

“But you are a dumbass. Limit break, remember? You think it’s easy to knock Squall out?”

My jaw dropped and Seifer smiled evilly. Ok, maybe that’s the only smile he has. Whatever. “But that would mean…”

“Yeah,” he said smugly. “Am I good or what?”  
.  
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Assuming Seifer was right, a possibility because even a stopped clock is right twice a day, that meant Squall let me kiss him. Or at least feel him up. Or did it? It might just mean he was holding back his limit break so he didn't accidentally create Zell sushi. Or he was too stunned to slug me.

The obvious thing to do would be load up on Curagas and see if Squall would let me kiss him again. Zell Junior and I spent many happy moments envisioning the wheres and hows of that. And that was the rub; you should excuse the expression, because the man was never alone. It was like Squall had no privacy or off duty time at all.

I may be known for charging in first and thinking later but even I knew kissing Squall in front of anyone else wasn't going to end well. First there was the matter of cover jerking - that would Out, at the very least, me - and Garden's official stance on any one having sex, ever, was "For the love of Hyne, don't let anyone find out." I think Xu and the others thought the magic Chocobo brought babies in a basket.

Still, you don't study martial arts without learning to take a few hits and falls, and I was no quitter. I hovered around Squall's office. I lurked in the cafeteria. I dropped by his rooms and left notes. Seifer rolled his eyes and muttered insults under his breath, which I decided was him being supportive. Or his normal asshole self.

"Squall's not in," Qusitis said, giving me her patented 'I know you will screw up if I stare at you long enough' glare.

"I can see him. He's right there." I pointed to the window in the door to Squall's office. He paused in the middle of some task and blinked at me.

"He's not in for you." 

"What exactly are you trying to say, Qbabe? I'm persona non grata?"

"You are going to be persona non breathing if you ever call me that again!"

I forced my face out of the wince caused by Quistis butchering one of my favorite languages. I should give her points for trying, spontaneous humor never came easily to her. "Squall complained?"

Honesty made her say, "No... but-" She put her hands on her hips. "Really, Zell, you've gone all stalkerish. It's weirding everyone out."

"We're friends, or I thought we were. Guy friends hang out together."

"After work!"

"Quis, there is no after work. Or haven't you noticed?"

Leaning against the wall, Seifer frowned and said, "That's weird."

"What is?" I said intelligently, distracted.

"What are you talking about?" Quis answered, derailed from whatever retort she was going to make. 

"Squall's sudden devotion to duty," Seifer explained. "He used to be more of a slacker."

"Squall? Slacker?"

"Of course he isn't," Quistis said. "Zell... did you take a hit to the head when you were sparring?"

"Oh c'mon, when did you do the Fire Cave Trial? The first day?" Seifer folded his arms across his chest and frowned in Squall's direction. "He waited until the day of the exam."

"Because you put him in the infirmary!"

"Infirmary is sounding like a good idea," Quistis said in an odd tone.

"He wasn't in the infirmary the whole time; Squall just didn't give a shit. And there can't be that much work." Seifer nodded, affirming his own words. "After all, Cid did it before."

Seifer was right, an alarming trend. Cid wasn't exactly a hardworking individual. And Norg didn't strike me as big time paper pusher. So what was Squall doing all the time? It's not like we had any decent games on the system. While it was possible that Squall just wasn't very good at whatever it was he had to do, and so it took longer, I found that hard to believe because Squall was pretty much good at everything. Unless he didn't want to do it, in which case he basically, well, didn't do it. So either Squall loved doing paperwork and never wanted to stop, or... there was something he wanted to do even less.

Like hang with me.

Utterly deflated, I accepted the cup of water Quistis pressed on me. She was looking concerned and patting me on the shoulder while steering me to the padded bench by the door. Quis had flipped from pompous instructor/administrator into Big Sister mode and was suggesting it was all dehydration and low blood sugar.

I realized Seifer the dick had tricked me into talking to him. I knew better than to pay attention to Seifer when anyone was around. Or ever, actually, since he'd been consistently pissing me off for the last fifteen years. I had a hunch explaining that I was being haunted by my least favorite fellow orphan would get me a long and unnecessary vacation, however, so I played dumb and sipped the water. It was tepid and tasted faintly mildewy. No wonder Squall stuck to coffee.

Quistis' lecture washed over me as I sat there, thinking. It was as plain as the tattoo on my face that Squall was avoiding me and that I should just pick up the pieces of my ego and limp back to my quarters. Maybe I'd detour by Supply on the way and see if I could get a bell, book, and candle so I could be rid of Seifer as well. That thought cheered me up so much my legs started working again and I was able to stagger out.

Figuring I'd used up my eccentricity quota for the day, I decided to skip exorcizing Seifer and just go flop on my bed. If he had any finer feelings at all, he'd make himself scarce.

Of course, this was Seifer and any finer feelings that came in contact with him ran screaming off into the sunset. He was pacing my quarters when I arrived. I walked through him, which would have been creepy if I'd be in the mood to give a grat's ass. I hit my bunk and pulled the pillow over my head. 

"Oh for the love of Hyne, if you start blubbing I'm going to puke."

"Will it make you go away?" I felt I was too old to cry, but it was certainly a possibility and I could make it happen for the right incentive.

"Shall I get you some purple ink so you can scribble miserable haiku in your diary?" I wasn't looking at him, but in my mind's eye Seifer struck one of those melodramatic poses, just begging for a Punch Rush. “‘Tendrils of hope/ trapped by the permafrost/ just too short.' You could get one of those online pity party pages."

"What I am going to get is a bucket of holy water!" And beat him about the head and shoulders with it.

Seifer tsked. "All throwing holy water at me will do is get you a wet spot on the carpet. ...might keep Xu out of your quarters, come to think."

Even that happy idea was not enough to lift my spirits, no pun intended. "Look, Squall is avoiding me and Quistis thinks I'm losing my mind. So I'm already down two friends thanks to you."

"Hyne, I remembered you'd jump to conclusions but I forgot you rented a cabin there." Seifer sat on the edge of my desk and stretched his legs out, crossing his ankles. "Just because Quis is a little worried about your sanity doesn't mean she isn't still your friend. She just has a hard time showing it because her adopted parents fucked her all up. A favor I'd gladly return if they weren't both already dead."

Momentarily distracted from my own misery, I asked, "Does that matter?"

He tipped his head, thinking. "No, it does not. One point for you, Chicken." Great, Seifer was happy again. At least one of us was. 

"Don't call me that." I threw my pillow at him. He just let it pass through and knock over my colored pencils which rolled all over my desk and then fell in hard to reach places. Bastard. I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees. "Squall and Quis are probably secretly a couple."

"That might be one of Quistis' little daydreams but Squall is gay, gay, gay. So gay. Gayer than gay guys doing gay things in a gay place. Gaily."

Jealousy raised its ugly head. I growled, "How do you know?"

I got the smirk and rolled off the bed, fists up. Seifer rolled his eyes. "How are you going to hit me, Stupidshit? I'm intangible." 

"How about Thunder Storm?"

"Before you blow out the circuitry for the entire floor and give Squall even more paperwork, allow me to stuff a clue up your nose. Quistis is hot for Squall. Quistis Trepe. Any seventeen year old male who turns down an offer to tap that has to immediately turn in his bi-curious card because he has not one single het urge in his body." Seifer spread his hands. "Gay."

"He turned her down?"

"I know this for fact. Also Rinoa was trying - and failing- to climb Squall's tree. And she's a fine bit of fun, herself."

"Which you also have on good authority?" I asked wearily.

Seifer grinned at me. "Which I also know for fact. We used to date, remember?"

I buried my face in my hands. "I don't want to hear it."

"Sure you do," he said, making himself comfy. "Rin-"

"No! No, no, no, no! Before you started helping me, Squall and I at least interacted once in a while. And I didn't get the hairy eyeball from Selphie and Quis. So far you have been absolutely no help whatsoever! Go away, Seifer, goddammit. Leave me the fuck alone!"

And to my utter astonishment, he did.  
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Like all good things, it didn't last. Seifer made himself scarce for barely a day. A day I could have been happily aggravation free but instead, true to the big jerk's prediction, was mostly spent moping. I wasn't reduced to haiku, but I did turn down an offer to go surfing with Irvine, the better to wallow in despair. That prompted a cheer up visit from Selphie and I was almost glad when Seifer came back.

It was nice to be reminded that my unhappiness wasn't all in my head, but that it had a cause. Of course, Seifer was probably all in my head, but I wasn't ready to explore that option.

Yet.

Anyway, constancy is a virtue and Seifer had been a constant sticker in my shorts for years. It was kind of comforting in an 'ah, so that's what's wrong' way. So while I wasn't all warm and fuzzy greeting him, I didn't immediately start researching banishment spells, either.

"Selphie brought you turds in a dish?"

I rolled my eyes. "They are bulbs, she's forcing them."

He gave me an odd look. "Where?"

Baffled as to why I was explaining indoor gardening to Seifer, I said, "That means you don't plant them, they grow in the dish out of season. They are daffodils."

"Everything with that girl is a project. Doesn't she know you don't bring guys flowers? You bring them food. I could almost feel sorry for the Cowboy."

"Have you ever tasted Selphie's cooking? I'd be better off eating the bulbs."

"Those things are poisonous." 

"That was kind of my point."

Seifer sat down on my desk next to the dish and shook his head. "A moment while I pass a pang of pity for Irvine." He made it sound like a kidney stone. "Ok, if you are done sniveling, we can get back to work."

"I haven't started sniveling!" I said indignantly.

"Should I leave?"

"No! I mean, yes!" I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "I'm not going to snivel at all. But feel free to go away anytime."

"I would, but any fool can see you and Squall are going to get together the dark side of never without help. Sadly, I am fool enough to try and be that help."

Wonderingly, I asked, "Did you just refer to yourself as a fool? Twice?"

"Metaphorically speaking."

"Don't you mean 'metaphysically'?"

"Do you want to jump Squall's bones or not?"

"Hyne, Seifer, did you have to put it like that? It sounds... I dunno, so selfish and blunt. A lot like you, actually."

He gave me a poisonous look. "Pretty it up all you want, fact is we are men and men know that while sex without love can be kind of fun, love without sex is just boring. Or familial and hopefully that doesn't apply here. Although you are heading to the friend zone and fraternal love if you don't get up off your ass and do something."

"He's avoiding me! When Squall is willing to do great wads of overtime paperwork just so he doesn't have to hang with me, that's a hint." I fell back on my bed, reaching for my pillow.

"Oh, don't take it personally. I did some snooping and apparently there is a shit-ton of paperwork involved with running Garden; Cid just didn't do it. Why should he? Anytime he needed money, Norg lifted a leg and shot out another pearl or whatever the hell Shumi do for money."

I shuddered. "That is a mental image that's going to come back at odd times and make me lose my appetite, I can tell."

"You’re welcome," Seifer smirked. "Good news is Puberty Boy is almost caught up and Quistis and Xu and several others with no lives are standing by quivering with joy at the idea of taking over. They would have done it already but Squall can't delegate for shit."

"Wonder who he learned that from?" I muttered.

"He didn't learn it, that's the point. Try to keep up."

Rubbing that spot between my eyes that was starting to throb, I said, “So the plan is, I just wait until Squall is done and then pounce?” And why oh why was I taking advice from Seifer again?

“Yeah, nothing sexier than a flying tackle. How about this instead: a romantic hike in the woods and overnight camping trip?”

I sat up. “That does sound good.”

“Yeah, just you and Squall...”  
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And Quistis and 25 junior cadets. I wanted to kill Seifer, but since that isn’t exactly headline news to anyone except maybe my Ma, I kept it to myself. Besides, he was already dead. Or something. 

On the up side, it was a beautiful time of year, and it was fun to get out into the fresh air, and it was great to see Squall in his leathers (oh yes) and away from his desk. 

Quistis was ahead with the older cadets, clearing out any odd low level monsters. I was bringing up the rear with my kids, who were too young to be armed and who were mostly along to practice hiking and camping. Squall was sort of floating between us, keeping an eye out for any higher level monsters. He had Lionheart in hand and was about the coolest thing ever. Squall didn’t know it, but half my class alone wanted to grow up to be just like him. Maybe three quarters. The rest were early bloomers and wanted to marry him.

We were lagging behind Quistis’ group so I encouraged my troops to double time it for a spell. Once the older cadets were in sight, we dropped back to the normal, meandering sort of quasi-march little kids prefer. I did a quick head count and was short 3. I knew where I’d find my stragglers. 

I signaled Quistis that she had command and I was falling back. She nodded and soon had both groups participating in a ‘secure transport’, meaning the older kids surrounded the younger ones and bravely looked out for danger. It was a good exercise but it got them universally excited, and setting up camp was going to be a real challenge now all the students were amped up. 

Squall had stationed himself on a large rock so he could watch out for trouble. A breeze came up, blowing his long hair back, and I swear he could not have looked more like King of World if he’d tried. If they ever put up a statue to The Guy Who Saved Us All from Crazed Sorceresses of Past and Future, that was exactly how I’d sculpt it. 

Contemplating on whether tempered blue glass would do for the ademantium of Squall’s blade, I trotted back to the bend in the road and the railway tracks. There was an old trestle bridge over a dry creek a ways up, and local custom was to throw a few gil off the train as thanks for a safe passage over. Not that many folk did it anymore, and what little they did throw was mostly picked up by hording monsters, but kids never could resist poking in the gravel along the tracks. Selphie still did it half the time. 

Sure enough, there were my lost lambs. Jerrell saw me and ran towards me, leaving Hilma and Boyce on the tracks. Before I could scold them for going AWOL, Jerrell blurted out, “Sir! Boyce is stuck!”

Ah, the capper to a spiffy day. “All right, let’s see how we can help.” I steered Jerrell back to the rest of his squad. “I’m glad to see you stuck together like you were supposed to, good work.” 

I crouched down to survey the damage. Boyce’s foot was well and truly caught in the groove of the rail. It must have slipped while he was walking along the rail, and it left him forced to stand at an odd angle. He was currently leaning a bit on Hilma, who, typical of children their age, was taller and sturdier than the boys. 

“I don’t have to give you troops the lecture on staying off the tracks, do I?” I said absently, trying to tug Boyce loose. No go. 

“Nosir,” Hilma said a bit tearfully. 

“All right, pretend I scolded you and don’t do it again, because as you see, stuff happens when you disobey orders, right?”

“Yessir,” they chorused. 

I tried turning Boyce’s ankle and he whimpered. “That hurt? I think it’s swelling, you must have turned it good.”

Boyce nodded, trying to be tough. Hyne, he was 8 years old, he should be allowed to blub over a sprained ankle. I gave him an encouraging smile. 

Behind him, I saw Squall leap gracefully down from the rock and come striding our way. He caught my eye and signaled to dismiss the squad.

“Okay,” I said cheerfully. “Jerrell, Hilma, you will follow the trail and join up with the rest of the class. Report in to Captain Trepe. You do not dawdle and you do not stray from the path. Do you understand?”

“Leave a man behind?” Hilma said, scandalized. 

“He’ll be safe with me, safer than you will be, which is why I want you moving out, double time, now!”

They saluted hastily and started off. I reassured myself that if there were any monsters in the area, Squall had already taken care of them. 

I had Boyce move so he was putting some weight on me while I tried working his boot off. 

Squall said tersely, “Zell.”

I glanced up, looking down the tracks as he was. I couldn’t see anything from my angle but it didn’t take a lot of imagination to guess what was coming. I nodded and went back to working Boyce free. 

His foot and ankle were swelling before my eyes. I made some careful cuts with my knife but the boot was actually doing more good for him on at this point. 

“Zell,” Squall said again. 

I nodded and stopped being gentle. Boyce yelped as I tried to twist free his obviously throbbing foot. 

At the road crossing, some 100 yards away, the safety bars dropped into place, the lights flashed and bells started clanging. Boyce began crying in earnest. 

“Zell.” Squall had Lionheart in hand and was looking at the track. 

“No good, baby, it will derail the train. That’s the Zephyr, you know it never has less than a hundred people on it.”

Boyce sobbed out, “Run away, the train is coming!” which took more guts than several SeeDs I knew had. We won’t mention the death grip he had on my shirt, I was proud of him anyway. And a little exasperated that we were raising little kids to think they should sacrifice themselves for grown men. 

“We won’t leave you,” Squall said in his calm voice. It did more than any reassurances I could have given the kid. Then he spoiled the effect by adding to me, “I hope you have a plan.”

We could feel the vibrations in the track, but any hope that would jiggle Boyce free were soon squashed. Just like we were going to be if I didn’t think of something fast. 

“What spells do you have?”

“Stop won’t help,” Squall pointed out in one of his rare flashes of gallows humor. 

“I was thinking Sleep.” I tipped my head towards Boyce. Squall cast instantly, stepping over the rail to catch the boy as he sagged. The engineer must have seen us on the tracks because the train’s whistle howled urgency down at us. 

I tried one last futile attempt to get Boyce loose, on the thin vain hope it would be easier with him relaxed. His food didn’t budge.

“Zell. Get off the tracks.” It was an order, but I never did take orders all that well from Squall. “Zell!”

“Stand back, Baby, I got him.” Ok, Squall wasn’t so good at taking orders from me, either. 

He hefted Lionheart and I laughed darkly. “You can’t take on a rushing train, Baby!” I was trying to push Boyce’s limp form into position and drawing on my chi. 

“It’s not going to matter soon.” The whistle screamed again. 

Haste washed over me and I could have kissed Squall for thinking of it. Not that I wouldn’t gladly kiss him anytime, anywhere, any way. I focused and hit poor little Boyce a precision chop, dislocating and probably breaking his ankle. I rolled myself around him as best I could as Squall crashed into us nearly as hard as the train would have. He knocked us off the rails just as the big engine clattered by in a wave of heat and dust. We rolled down the shallow bank and ended up in a tangle in the rocks and weeds. I was up on my back, still holding Boyce, and Squall landed on top of us, white faced and wild eyed. 

I stared up into his stormy gray eyes while he panted and stared down at me. Then he kissed me, in full view of the several dozen people on the train which was flying past us, all noise and violence. 

Finally, Squall let me up for air, not that I was complaining. He licked his lips and managed, “Never scare me like that again.”

“Scare you?” I said, laughing a little hysterically. “If you hadn’t thrown that Haste we’d be spooge.” 

“I’m glad you were packing Doubles or I never would have gotten us both targeted in time.”

Thing was, I wasn’t packing Doubles. I thought Squall had thrown that, too. Confused, I looked up at him and past him. The train had rumble by and was vanishing down the tracks, and visible on the other side was Seifer, leaning against a tree, studiously examining his nails. Asshole. 

Thanks, I mouthed to him. He bowed and vanished. 

Squall must have thought I was thanking him, because he leaned in and kissed me again. I would have been content to lay there in the rocks and see how far he’d go, but there was Boyce to contend with. This time I broke off the kiss. 

“Sorry, Baby, but we need to finish this another time.”

“I’ll call for evac and tell Quistis.” He got to his feet and felt around in the weeds for Lionheart. 

“Yeah, Doc will have to see Boyce, I think I broke his leg.” Not a use of my skills I was particularly proud of, even if it was for a good cause.

“I was going to cut his foot off,” Squall said wryly. 

“Whoa, you better leave the mangling of children to me, then.” 

He helped me to my feet, steadying the still unconscious Boyce. Squall threw a mean Sleep, I’ll give him that. “After you are finished with Kadowaki, meet me in my quarters to continue our discussion.”

“Your quarters, Baby?”

I got the quick flash of his smile. “My bed is bigger.”

Oh, yeah!  
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Mini Epilogue

Squall woke up, pleased to find Zell was still in his arms. He experimentally stroked down Zell’s tanned back and smiled when his lover responded with a purr. The only drawback was a tendency for Zell’s hair to get into Squall’s mouth, a situation he salvaged by tucking Zell’s head into the crook of his neck. Zell snuggled without waking up. 

Seifer materialized on the couch, watching them both almost fondly. 

“Thank you,” Squall said softly. 

His one time rival shrugged. “I knew you guys would be great together if you’d only get your heads out of your respective asses.”

“What happens now?”

“To you or me?”

Squall smiled faintly. “I think I have my future planned. What about you?”

“Eh, you know how it is, things to see, people to do. Take care of the Chickenwuss, Puberty Boy. I don’t want to have to come back and knock your heads together.” Seifer faded away, and after a few moments, Squall tugged up the covers and went back to sleep.   
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Laguna Loire signed his name with a flourish and then looked glumly at the stack of papers still needed attention. It was as if no matter what he did, the pile never got any smaller. He considered burning them but suspected some of it might actually be important. Maybe. Hopefully, at least. 

He sighed. And then jumped and dropped his pen as a blond man appeared out of nowhere said with a smirk, “How long as it been since you got laid?”


End file.
